Stop the Time-Outs

Normally, when I’m in a parenting class I will come on here and write the things I’ve learned with all of you. I want to share the wealth, and maybe help out a parent and child out there in the world. But this time, I was a little conflicted.

I am attending the same university, I am in the same major, Marriage and Family Studies, but the information was contradicting to what I have learned in the past! Talk about a standstill in my parenting. I wanted to just lay on the floor and tell my kids good luck in life, peace out! I honestly did not know what to do or how to parent. So I wrote nothing the whole 14 weeks I was in the class.

Now I’m trying to sift through to find the gold for you guys! Some of the lessons really sang to me and some I was like, nope don’t think so. I really believe every child is so different we can’t have a one size fits all method.

So here are the few lessons that really sat well with me.

1. Everything you do with your child should be done with love. Their well-being needs to trump how you think you’re being seen as a parent. Who cares what others are thinking! What is the best for you and your child? Are you judging your child a little too harshly? Does everything they do piss you off? Then you’re not seeing clearly and you need to work on yourself. Get yourself out of the box with your child before you start handing out unnecessary punishments.

2. Time-outs are BAD!!!

WHAT??!! Yes time-outs do not teach your child why they shouldn’t do what got them in trouble in the first place. Super Nanny you liar!!

The best thing to do is talk to them and explain why doing (insert naughty behavior) is not a good idea. Sending them to their rooms to “think about it” isn’t beneficial and even if they stop the act, they’re probably only stopping it in front of you or learning to hide it better. It is a short lived solution. I can vow to this one. They are in their rooms thinking about how you’re a horrible parent, trust me, they’re not having deep thoughts of regret and remorse.

3. Treating your child like a human and not an object will help with all areas of raising them. When we can learn that human beings, even little human beings, like to be treated like they matter, we can maybe start seeing some positive change in this world. Let me give you an example:

Mom, I am failing 3 of my classes.

Instead of: freaking out, grounding, yelling, taking things away.

Do this instead:

Shoot, what’s going on? Is there something I can do to help you? Do you need to talk while I shut up and listen?

Your child does not want to fail. Find out the “why” and how to help, instead of freaking out causing your kid to hide their bad grades from you. Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution.

Bottom line, you want them to come to you. You don’t want them to fear telling you their stuff because then you will always be in the dark. As they get older, it will get worse. Controlling your children is not the same as teaching your children. How are they going to be when they move out and you’re not around to force them?

Lost Sheep

“The lost sheep are not just the people who don’t come to church…The lost sheep is a mother who goes down into the valley of dark shadows to bring forth children. The lost sheep is a young person, far away from home faced with loneliness and temptation. The lost sheep is a person who has just lost a critically needed job; a business person in financial distress; a new missionary in a foreign culture; a man just called to be a bishop; a married couple who are misunderstanding each other; a grandmother whose children are forgetting her. I am the lost sheep. You are the lost sheep. ‘All we like sheep have gone astray.'” -Bruce C. Hafen

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” -Jesus Christ

It’s Your Diet

One month and 10 days ago, I started this pretty restrictive diet, accompanied with taking what feels like hundreds of supplements a day. To tell you what I can eat would be shorter than telling you what I can’t eat. Think of Adam and Eve’s diet, and there you go. No, not really, I can’t have fruit. The fruit is forbidden. See what I did there?

It has been easy in a way, because of the results, but also very challenging to keep on feeding my family, who are not on this same diet, all the while feeding myself the limited foods I can eat. Which it’s not crazy limited, it’s just not what I was eating before.

I didn’t start this diet for weight loss, although, that has been a bonus. I started this to help heal myself from my mysterious breathing issues that has all the doctors scratching their head’s.

One day, I woke up and could not take a full deep breath. It was as if my lungs had reached their full capacity and they would shoot right back down like a rubber band before I got any sense of relief. The fear of not knowing how bad my breathing would actually get caused me to have panic attacks, which did not help the situation. I have been dealing with this for 3 years!!! Imagine not being able to take a deep breath for 3 years. I stopped working out, hiking, riding my bike, running, walking up steps, I felt like I was a 90 year old women. I was CONSTANTLY tired and stopped doing any activity that caused even a little exhaustion.

After going to doctor after doctor and hearing most of them, not all of them, but most of them say that, due to me having 6 kids, it’s probably stress and anxiety causing my breathing issues.

Yea, all of sudden, I realized that I have 6 kids and started panicking…for 3 years straight…while on vacations…without my kids…while relaxing at a spa…I mean really?

I quit asking the “experts” and decided to go a different route after meeting this group of alternative healthcare professionals in Alaska. I told them my health issues and they said with a surety, we can help you. You mean to tell me after 3 years of doctor hopping and loads of medical procedures you can help me? With food and supplements? Yep!!

First, let me just tell you what I ate before. I am not making this up and I know it’s gross.

Every morning I drank a Fit Aid (recovery drink, even though I wasn’t recovering from anything other than waking up.) and ate brown sugar pop tarts sometimes with butter on them. For lunch I would have hot cheetos and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or Wendys or McDonalds or Five Guys. For dinner I would eat at another fast food place or restaurant and then every night around 1a.m. I would make myself nachos and eat those with hot cheetos and drink 2-3 glasses of chocolate milk. Now don’t call CPS just yet, I fed my kids totally different foods because I didn’t want them to eat unheathly. As I am writing this I realize how dumb it was for me to eat like this and it was only a matter of time until I had some major health issues. The detox coming off this junk was 1000 times more painful than when I got Covid.

Now, I eat a lot of veggies, no fruit because I have too much yeast in my body. I eat chicken, turkey, fish, and I can have organic red meat once a week. Luckily, I can have almond butter and a certain type of yogurt to curb my sweet tooth. There are times where I have thought, I just want a bacon cheeseburger with fries so bad, I am done doing this diet! Then I take in a deep long breath, with full relief, and remember how worth this program is. Within a week I could take a deep breath, I was off my ADD medicine and had more energy than I had “pre breathing” issues. I am working out again and hiking. This program saved me from a very depressing immobile life.

I am no expert, but I am going to chalk it up to maybe being super inflamed. There was no room for my lungs to fully expand. That is my non-professional opinion. I honestly don’t know, but I do know I can breath again.

I have also learned how to make good, healthy, food for my family and I have exercised some incredible self-control. I have 2 more months of this program and everyday I remind myself how great I feel and to keep pushing forward. Even if I am drooling over cookies and brownies. It all comes down to how much you value your health.

Update on “The Big Move”

We finally finished moving everyone around! After two full days of moving and cleaning we finally got it done! I feel so relieved about her being closer to us and not hiding away in her room 24/7. She loves her room and is happy. Thank you for answering my prayers Lord. Kingston is also very happy in his new suite. I would show pictures but I didn’t get any and I’m too lazy to get up. Maybe one day.