Stop the Time-Outs

Normally, when I’m in a parenting class I will come on here and write the things I’ve learned with all of you. I want to share the wealth, and maybe help out a parent and child out there in the world. But this time, I was a little conflicted.

I am attending the same university, I am in the same major, Marriage and Family Studies, but the information was contradicting to what I have learned in the past! Talk about a standstill in my parenting. I wanted to just lay on the floor and tell my kids good luck in life, peace out! I honestly did not know what to do or how to parent. So I wrote nothing the whole 14 weeks I was in the class.

Now I’m trying to sift through to find the gold for you guys! Some of the lessons really sang to me and some I was like, nope don’t think so. I really believe every child is so different we can’t have a one size fits all method.

So here are the few lessons that really sat well with me.

1. Everything you do with your child should be done with love. Their well-being needs to trump how you think you’re being seen as a parent. Who cares what others are thinking! What is the best for you and your child? Are you judging your child a little too harshly? Does everything they do piss you off? Then you’re not seeing clearly and you need to work on yourself. Get yourself out of the box with your child before you start handing out unnecessary punishments.

2. Time-outs are BAD!!!

WHAT??!! Yes time-outs do not teach your child why they shouldn’t do what got them in trouble in the first place. Super Nanny you liar!!

The best thing to do is talk to them and explain why doing (insert naughty behavior) is not a good idea. Sending them to their rooms to “think about it” isn’t beneficial and even if they stop the act, they’re probably only stopping it in front of you or learning to hide it better. It is a short lived solution. I can vow to this one. They are in their rooms thinking about how you’re a horrible parent, trust me, they’re not having deep thoughts of regret and remorse.

3. Treating your child like a human and not an object will help with all areas of raising them. When we can learn that human beings, even little human beings, like to be treated like they matter, we can maybe start seeing some positive change in this world. Let me give you an example:

Mom, I am failing 3 of my classes.

Instead of: freaking out, grounding, yelling, taking things away.

Do this instead:

Shoot, what’s going on? Is there something I can do to help you? Do you need to talk while I shut up and listen?

Your child does not want to fail. Find out the “why” and how to help, instead of freaking out causing your kid to hide their bad grades from you. Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution.

Bottom line, you want them to come to you. You don’t want them to fear telling you their stuff because then you will always be in the dark. As they get older, it will get worse. Controlling your children is not the same as teaching your children. How are they going to be when they move out and you’re not around to force them?

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