Her Story: # 1

After my 3rd post, I had women reach out to tell me about the trials they are facing. I was humbled and grateful that these women trusted me enough to tell me some of the problems they were having in their marriage and some insecurities they were dealing with. I was so shocked to hear some of the issues they were facing, I would have never guessed!  Then I thought, we have got to get your stories out there! So many other women feel the exact same way you do. My story can only help so many but everyones story can help everyone. 

So I got online and asked some brave women to come forward to help me with this project. I honestly didn’t know if anyone was going to answer. But then I had an overwhelming number of women reach out to say they were in! For four hours I responded back and forth to all these amazing women who were willing to help. I asked them to let me share their story. 
What was only going to be 6 to 10 stories has turned into 47 stories and counting!! I hope in one of these stories you can find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

These stories are to help others, not to be criticized, judged, or looked down on. If I see any comments that look even a bit judgmental I will remove them and block you. This is your only warning.

Describe yourself:

I’m a mom of a 5 year old, wife of 18 years, online business owner who geeks out over marketing, oldest child of 4, a runner, avid traveler, and friend.

What are your biggest insecurities? 
I’m insecure about being a good wife to my husband. I feel like my husband gets the leftovers as far as my energy goes. I love my work and pour a lot of myself into that. My son, of course, gets most of me, too. That means many days, I’m rung out and just done by the time the day ends and I’ve put my son to bed. I just want to be alone. I don’t want to talk, connect or engage with my husband and I know that’s so bad. I just want to read and go to bed.

What are your biggest fears?
I worry about losing it all, if that makes sense. My marriage, my career and the life I love and have built over the years. I worry that I’ll have to start over, on my own. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. I’ve not really been alone as an adult so that fear that I screw up my marriage and end up alone is terrifying to me. my parents divorced and while that was the best thing that could have happened for me as a child, I think I still fear that it will happen to me and it will be my fault. 

How do you get through your fears?
Most of the time I rationalize that this is crazy talk. I remind myself that I’m making up stories that aren’t true. That I am a good wife, that my husband is committed to me and our family. I try to use this fear to motivate myself to be a better version of myself.

If married, what are the biggest struggles you have in your marriage?
My husband would say sex and that he doesn’t get enough of it. And he’s right. Most days I would be fine without it. Yet I know that he needs it, that a marriage needs it, even if I personally don’t need it to feel connected or committed. 

How do you get through those struggles in your marriage?
I’m not sure that we do. I notice my husband getting irritable with me and he has less grace for me and my requests. I know that means I need to put sex on the front burner. The other thing we do is we try to get away together every 3 months or so for a few days at a time without my son, without work, etc. I struggle with putting him first but when we go away, I can focus on him and let go of all the stress and outside noise that distracts me. Getting away together is when we truly connect.

What is a trial that you feel alone in? 
I honestly don’t feel alone. I have built a very strong support system around me, including my husband.

How do you get through that trial?
When I feel like I’m a bad wife, I have a girlfriend who is very calming and I’ve talked to her about it.  She’s a holistic doctor and an empath and she helps guide me through my insecurities.

Have you ever had something traumatizing happen to you? If comfortable sharing, what is it?
My 20 year old brother passed away in a car accident 5 years ago this November 17. My entire family died when he died and we’ve had to rebuild what our family looks like without him. He was the baby and the only boy, my step father’s only blood child. I have 3 sisters living, a brother in law and my parents. It’s been hard as everyone suffers in their own way and to navigate that over the years is just taking it one day at a time and trying to give each person what they need. My husband and I have been the backbone / strength for our family and often I worry that I didn’t properly grieve my brother because we were trying to hold it together for the rest of the family and we had a 7 month old at the time, too so were new parents. My son really helped everyone get through this as he was joy in the darkest of times so we offered him to everyone whenever they needed him. We haven’t lived near my parents in 15 years, so that meant a lot of plane rides to IL when they needed to see the baby, opening our house for visitors anytime they needed us, etc. It’s brought us all closer. 

Do you feel like you are alone in life? If the answer is yes, What do you think could help you feel not alone?
I really don’t. Maybe being the oldest of 4 kids ensures I don’t ever feel alone.

What advice would you give someone going through similar trials? 
Find someone you can talk to. Don’t keep it all inside. Realize that your perspective is just that. A perspective and that it’s not the TRUTH. 

What are your biggest blessings?
A career I love, a marriage that is solid, a business partner of 10 years who is incredible, a son who is the joy of so many people’s lives, friendships that buoy me and a strong family who can get through anything. I have nothing but blessings in my life and am insanely grateful.

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